How to Help Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Building a child's self-esteem can often feel like walking a tightrope. However, fostering a healthy sense of self-worth in your child doesn't have to be an mystery. With the right strategies and a supportive environment, you can help your child grow into a confident and resilient individual. Here, we’ll explore practical ways parents, caregivers, and family members can nurture self-esteem in children.

Why is Self-Esteem Important?

Self-esteem is the foundation of a child’s well-being and development. It influences their academic performance, social interactions, and overall happiness. Stephanie Taylor, our Communications and Development Manager, says,

"As a mom of three boys who are close in age, I’ve found that recognizing their individual strengths and weaknesses is crucial when building their self-esteem. One of my sons excels in sports, another is great in school, and the third is technologically inclined. Not comparing them to each other and letting them know how great they are in their own ways has been a challenge, but it’s essential. Each child is unique and needs to feel valued for their distinct abilities. Celebrating their successes, no matter how big or small, and offering support when they struggle, helps them understand that they are special just as they are."

Children with high self-esteem are more likely to take on challenges, handle criticism, and maintain healthy relationships.

Signs Your Child is Struggling with Their Self-Esteem

Recognizing when your child is struggling with self-esteem is the first step in helping them. Here are some common signs to look out for:

Negative Self-Talk: If your child frequently says things like, "I'm not good at anything" or "I always mess up," it may indicate they are grappling with low self-esteem.

Withdrawal from Activities: Notice if your child avoids activities they once enjoyed, such as sports or hobbies. This withdrawal can be a sign they are afraid of not meeting expectations.

Fear of Making Mistakes: Extreme anxiety about making mistakes, to the point of avoiding new tasks or situations, can signal low self-esteem. This can manifest as reluctance to try new things or participate in school activities.

Persistent Self-Criticism: If your child is overly critical of themselves and sets impossibly high standards, leading to frustration and disappointment over perceived failures, they may be facing self-esteem issues.

Low Mood and Energy: A decrease in overall mood and enthusiasm, showing less interest in activities and appearing generally downcast, can indicate struggles with self-worth.

Specific Scenarios

Here are some scenarios to illustrate these signs:

1. A child who used to love playing soccer now refuses to attend practice and repeatedly says, "I'm terrible at soccer, and I make the team lose."
2. During homework time, your child might say, "I'm stupid; I can't do this," and push away their work in frustration.
3. Your child may avoid participating in class or trying new activities, saying, "I'll just mess it up" or "Everyone will laugh at me if I get it wrong."
4. You notice your child spends a lot of time alone in their room, showing little interest in interacting with family or friends, and seems consistently down.

Expert Opinions

Research by psychology professor Richard W. Robins and former postdoctoral scholar Ulrich Orth, now a professor at the University of Bern, highlights the long-term benefits of high self-esteem. Their findings, published in the journal American Psychologist, show that individuals with high self-esteem generally are more successful at school and work, have better social relationships, improved mental and physical health, and less anti-social behavior. These benefits continue from adolescence into adulthood and old age.

Key Strategies to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem

1. Help Your Child Learn New Skills

Encourage your child to try different activities and hobbies. Whether it's learning to ride a bike, playing a musical instrument, or mastering a new game, each new skill they acquire builds their confidence. Be patient and provide the necessary support as they learn.

2. Praise Their Efforts, Not Just Achievements

While it's essential to celebrate achievements, it's equally crucial to praise the effort put into tasks. This teaches children that hard work and perseverance are valuable, even if the outcome isn't perfect. For instance, "I’m proud of how hard you worked on your science project!" reinforces the importance of effort.

3. Be a Good Role Model

Children learn by observing the adults around them. Demonstrate confidence in your abilities and maintain a positive outlook. Show them how to handle setbacks gracefully and emphasize the importance of self-care and self-compassion.

4. Help Them Find Their Passion

Identify your child's interests and strengths and encourage them to pursue these fully. Whether it's sports, arts, or academics, finding and nurturing a passion can significantly boost their self-esteem.

5. Set Goals Together

Work with your child to set achievable goals. This helps them learn the importance of planning and perseverance. Celebrate their progress and achievements along the way to reinforce their sense of accomplishment.

6. Encourage Healthy Friendships

Friendships play a pivotal role in a child’s social development. Encourage your child to form healthy, supportive relationships with their peers. Discuss what makes a good friend and teach them to resolve conflicts constructively.

7. Allow Them to Fail and Learn

Failure is a natural part of life and learning. Instead of shielding your child from it, allow them to experience failure and guide them through the process of learning from their mistakes. This resilience will serve them well throughout their lives.

8. Expect Them to Pitch In

Involve your child in household chores and responsibilities. This teaches them the value of hard work and contribution to the family. It also helps them feel competent and needed.

9. Encourage Healthy Risks

Encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and take healthy risks. Trying out for a sports team, participating in a school play, or speaking up in class are all examples of healthy risks that can build confidence.

10. Make Your Love Unconditional

Ensure your child knows that your love is not dependent on their performance or achievements. Reassure them that they are loved and valued for who they are, regardless of their successes or failures.

11. Avoid Harsh Criticism and Sarcasm

Constructive feedback is essential, but harsh criticism and sarcasm can damage a child’s self-esteem. Focus on positive reinforcement and guide them gently towards better behavior or performance.

12. Give Them Choices and Responsibilities

Allowing children to make their own choices and take on responsibilities helps them develop a sense of autonomy and confidence. Simple decisions, like choosing their clothes or taking on a small household task, can make a big difference.