High school graduation brings about the end of an era - the era of carpool rides and nightly homework, of rigid class schedules and cafeteria lunches. While heading off to college or starting careers offers newfound levels of independence and opportunity, it can also be nerve-wracking and stressful.
Do you know a teen who is about to start their next steps following high school graduation? A little support, personal or professional, can help them find their groove. Acenda’s Nancy Adams, Senior Program Director at Acenda for the Keeping Families Together Supportive Housing Program, Community Supportive Housing, and Positive Parenting Program (Triple P), offers her thoughts on how to support the teens in your life through this transition.
Signs Your Teen Needs Support
It can be tough to know when your teen is struggling and how to help them cope with their feelings. Adams gave some tips on signs to look out for to gauge whether your teen is having greater difficulties than normal:
Emotional Signs: increased irritability, anger or drastic mood swings, persistent sadness, expressions of hopelessness and low self esteem, overwhelming feelings of anxiety and worry
Behavioral Signs: withdraw from activities or hobbies that they used to enjoy, school performance decline, lack of motivation, increased conflict with family or peers, risk taking
Physical Signs: frequent complaints of headache, stomachaches, or fatigue, low energy, noticeable changes in appetite or weight
If your teen does display signs from the lists above, keep reading to learn more about how to help them through and tough times.
Creating Balance
It can be difficult to strike a balance between giving your teen their independence while continuing to provide emotional support and guidance. Adams advises asking your teen questions about their decision making, rather than telling them what to do, and normalizing mistakes as part of growth.
“Parenting teenagers means trusting that you’ve instilled a foundation of values, resilience and decision-making skills that will guide them as they navigate independence,” Adams said. “Teens need to learn responsibility while knowing they have a strong support system behind them.”
Knowing how to encourage responsible decision-making in teenagers calls for finesse and perseverance, especially in the digital age. Part of helping your teen through this stage is creating a supportive, comfortable environment at home that allows them to open up. By staying emotionally available, focusing on connection and respecting their peace and privacy, you can encourage your teens to come to you for advice and guidance.
“Be present and approachable, even if they reject you,” Adams said. “Respect their boundaries while maintaining that you’re always available.”
Advising Your Teen
Sometimes it can be hard to know just what to say to your teen when you have important conversations, especially as you prepare them for adulthood. Adams recommends keeping the following advice at top of mind:
It’s okay not to be okay. Feeling overwhelmed or nervous is totally normal. Big changes can be both exciting and stressful. You don’t need to figure everything out all at once.
Take it one step at a time. Focus on small manageable steps. Each one is a building block that will give you more answers and direction and make the transition feel less overwhelming.
Stay connected. Talk to trusted adults, friends, church members, whoever you feel close to. You don’t have to go through it alone.
Be curious, not judgmental, à la Ted Lasso. Open yourself up to new experiences, and don’t shut down when a topic seems hard or unfamiliar. Approach challenges with an open mind.
Utilizing this advice as you go into conversations with your teen will encourage understanding and compromise.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Making the time to talk with your teen and support them is key as they prepare for their own independence and adult life. However, there are times when professional services are needed to provide extra guidance.
A therapist or counselor can help your teen build coping skills and techniques that help them to better manage their emotions and behaviors, especially during times of increased stress. The following behaviors are signs that it may be time to seek additional help:
- Ongoing emotional distress, such as sadness, anxiety or irritability that lasts several weeks or more
- Extreme difficulty managing emotions
- Expressions of hopelessness, feelings of low self worth or excessive worry
Furthermore, high risk warning signs for which you should contact support services immediately can include talk of self harm or suicide, substance use, or significant changes in personality.
“It’s a wild ride parenting the roller coaster of teenage emotions and behaviors, but there are times when additional support from a professional may be necessary,” Adams said. “Consider seeking professional help when concerns are persistent, worsening or interfere with daily functioning.”
Moving Forward
By supporting and preparing the teens in your life for their post-graduate lives, you can help to make these milestones feel more manageable. Reducing the stress and anxiety that can come with young adulthood creates space for enjoyment and confidence as your teen moves forward.
“Create a safe space for open communication, and be ready for your teen to open up at the most inconvenient times!” Adams said. “You know your child best. If something feels off that you just can’t put your finger on and your efforts at home aren’t improving the situation, don’t hesitate to reach out for guidance.”
"“Parenting teenagers means trusting that you’ve instilled a foundation of values, resilience and decision-making skills that will guide them as they navigate independence,” said Nancy Adams, MSW, LSW, the Senior Program Director at Acenda for the Keeping Families Together Supportive Housing Program, Community Supportive Housing, and Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). “Teens need to learn responsibility while knowing they have a strong support system behind them.”
Part of helping your teen through this transition stage between childhood and adulthood is creating a supportive, comfortable environment at home that allows them to open up. By staying emotionally available, focusing on connection and respecting their peace and privacy, you can encourage your teens to come to you for advice and guidance.
It may be time to seek professional guidance for your teen if they display several of the following traits:
- Ongoing emotional distress, such as sadness, anxiety or irritability that lasts several weeks or more
- Extreme difficulty managing emotions
- Expressions of hopelessness, feelings of low self worth or excessive worry
- High risk warning signs: talk of self harm or suicide, substance use, or significant changes in personality
Nancy Adams, the Senior Program Director at Acenda for the Keeping Families Together Supportive Housing Program, Community Supportive Housing, and Positive Parenting Program (Triple P), recommends embracing an "it's okay not to be okay" mindset, in addition to keep the conversation manageable and curious, as opposed to judgmental. She emphasizes the importance of staying connected to your teen, even if they pull away.
If you are looking for information to share with your teen as they get ready for college, check out this blog with tips on mental and emotional preparation.
About the Authors
Nancy Adams, MSW, LSW, serves as Senior Program Director at Acenda for the Keeping Families Together Supportive Housing Program, Community Supportive Housing, and Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). With 19 years of experience at the agency, Nancy is deeply committed to delivering holistic social work services grounded in evidence-based practices and a trauma-informed approach. Nancy’s professional passion is matched by a strong personal commitment to family, with the proudest accomplishment being raising two teenage sons through the many challenges and milestones of adolescence.
Riley de Jong, the content & engagement strategist with Acenda’s Brand, Marketing & Engagement team, attended the University of California – Los Angeles for her undergraduate degree in Communication and minor in Entrepreneurship. She enjoys supporting her community, telling engaging stories, and connecting with others.
