Adult Friendships Take Work—Here’s How to Keep Them Strong

As children, everyone dreams of adulthood — the freedom, the time, the money. As an adult your reality is much less glamourous, more along the lines of work, caregiving, logistics. Between professional and personal responsibilities, many adults lose track of their friendships, sometimes going years without seeing people they were previously very close with. This frequently results in feelings of isolation, loneliness, and guilt.

While adult friendships do take time and work, it doesn’t have to be overly complicated! Small, intentional acts can make a huge difference as you work to rebuild and maintain your relationships.

Why Adult Friendships Fade in Adulthood

Adulthood comes with a slew of big transitions, from new jobs to moving cities, getting married to having kids. These are time-consuming adjustments that will naturally disrupt your friendships and normal routine. As children and young adults, time for friendship is built into your schedule, whether that be during classes with friends or extracurriculars. When you get older, that time disappears and is, instead, filled with the responsibilities and time commitments of adulthood.

“It's become hard for us, as adults, to manage all of the responsibilities of employment, parenthood, managing a household, partnership, managing the care of family members, and others,” wrote Stacie Tomlinson, a therapist with Acenda’s Counseling and Wellness Center. “We don't always find ourselves with the same amount of time to spend on hobbies or interests that keep friendships strong, and if a friendship cannot grow to accommodate these greater responsibilities as our lives shift into adulthood.”

While it can be difficult to maintain friendships as an adult, it is important to rebuild that designated time into your schedule. Strong friendships have been shown to benefit one’s mental wellness and even physical health. According to the American Psychological Association, “A review of 38 studies found that adult friendships, especially high-quality ones that provide social support and companionship, significantly predict well-being and can protect against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety—and those benefits persist across the life span.”

Practical Ways to Strengthen Friendships

There are many easy ways to maintain your friendships in adulthood. All it takes is a little bit of planning and effort to help your relationships grow and flourish as you get older.

1. Initiate the Plans

Planning recurring visits ahead of time can take some of the pressure off scheduling each hangout. “Make the effort to see each other as regularly as possible, and split the responsibility of traveling to one another, whether that's down the block or across the country,” wrote Tomlinson. You don’t have to get together all the time, but making regular plans will help you to pick up where you left off.

2. Embrace Casual Messaging

Not every text you send or call you make has to last hours and include a huge life update. One of the best ways to maintain and strengthen friendships is to embrace the art of the casual message. This could be sending a photo that reminds you of them, recommending a new recipe you tried for lunch, or even just recording a quick voice note to tell them a short story about your day.

By making consistent connections with your friends, you are more likely to feel close to them and continue chatting, even if you’re long overdue for an in-person visit. “Keep [your friends] in the loop as much as you can; offer regular updates on your life and welcome the same from your friends,” wrote Tomlinson. "You might find you have new things (struggles or joys) in common, and that helps strengthen and maintain a friendship into adulthood, too.”

3. Respect Boundaries and Schedules

Flexibility, communication, and commitment will serve you well as you embark on your journey toward stronger adult friendships. As you work to reconnect with friends, you may find that their schedules and capacity for plans are different from yours. Keep this in mind when someone is slow to reply to your text or needs some space in between hang outs.

Friendship Looks Different Now and That’s Okay

Our relationships change in adulthood and that is natural. Forcing yourself to replicate the way your friendships used to be will begin to feel stale and may even drive people away. The ability to grow and change with your friends is important, and those long-lasting relationships are the ones that can mean the most later on in life.

“It's important to focus on how valuable it is to keep friendships from childhood well into adulthood, to hold onto good people who knew us as children or young adults, and try to remember that that's only possible because these kinds of friends have allowed each other to grow and change with one another, instead of staying the same and remaining stagnant,” Tomlinson wrote. “If we grow and mature into adults, our friendships also have to mature to keep up and stay relevant to our lives.”

If you continue to struggle with maintaining old friendships, it may be time to branch out and open up opportunities for new relationships. Tomlinson recommends engaging with interests outside of your home and work, being present within your community, and opening your mind to meeting others with shared interests. By incorporating hobbies and self-care into your routine, you will attract others who participate in similar activities, allowing you to begin new friendships. “Figure out what brings you joy and what you might love to do, outside of what you do for an income, and be open to whatever connections come from that,” wrote Tomlinson.

Conclusion

As we change and mature in adulthood, our friends are there to keep us grounded, make us laugh, and grow alongside us. While maintaining adult friendships can be challenging, they are well worth the effort for the support and joy they bring to everyday life.

Challenge yourself to reach out to an old friend this week and make a plan to get together. Take that first step toward strengthening your relationships and welcoming friendship back into your life. If you need recommendations on what to do with your friends, check out Acenda’s Grown Up Bucket List for a great place to start!

Contributor Spotlight

Stacie Tomlinson has been with Acenda's Counseling and Wellness Center as an Outpatient Therapist since October 2024. Tomlinson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with comprehensive experience across outpatient therapy, case management for behaviorally vulnerable and developmentally disabled youth, and residential case management for adults with Severe and Persistent Mental Health challenges, as well as substance abuse disorders. With a strong foundation in evidence-based practices, Tomlinson has worked with clients ranging from children to older adults, addressing diverse mental health needs and life transitions. Tomlinson’s clinical approach emphasizes compassion, collaboration, and empowerment, supporting individuals and families in achieving lasting wellness and resilience.

About the Author

Riley de Jong, Communications Strategist at Acenda, attended the University of California – Los Angeles for her undergraduate degree in Communication and minor in Entrepreneurship. She enjoys supporting her community, telling engaging stories, and connecting with others.